Personal Arguments - Are the Worth it?

Arguments are like sex - everyone does it. Well, probably not everyone! We might describe an argument as an exchange of opposite views.  We get involved in an argument to make a point and to prove our position is the correct one. 

A formal debate usually follows a logical format. A simplified example consists of two true statements and then a conclusion. In its basic form it would look like this:

                                                   "All men are mortal. (true)

Here Comes the Judge

Dick is a man. (true)

Dick is mortal."( must also be true)

But let's face it, it is never that simple. In a formal debate where  there are judges to declare a winner, that syllogism seems to work. But in everyday life the logic often gets lost in the emotions and the result can even be a fight. If it ends up in a fight it usually means the combatants have abandoned logic and are no longer presenting facts and figures but only assertions. Often, these assertions are based on long term beliefs and perceptions that have never been challenged -  nor about to be challenged! So an argument is an argument and a fight is a fight, but they are not one and the same.  

I must confess in the past eighty some years I rarely got involved in a good 'knock me down argument'. In my earlier years it was because I too timid to get into a "fight", as most arguments and fights seemed to me at that time to be one and the same. In my later years I try to get a better understanding of the individual who is challenging me. If I perceived that their position is adamant and there is little room for logic or true dialogue, I simply change the subject or walk away with an off-hand comment. I must admit however, that there are times when I am not in a position to change either, hence I back off. When it comes to my significant other I try to immediately find a reasonable and acceptable solution or agreeable compromise. That relationship is too important and precious to jeopardize over some insignificant difference of opinion.


 When my ego had been damaged in an argument I would spend hours flagellating myself thinking 'I should have said this or why did I not think of that? He/she must think I am an idiot.' It is not worth the suffering and the laying awake at night. Better to move on.

He Said-She Said

To engage in a profitable discussion I think what is needed is a lot of self awareness. They say 'emotional intelligence' is the ability to control your own and others in the debate. I think it is safe to say that as humans we can't totally separate emotion from the logic of our argument, but we truly need not to let it dominate the exchange.That is not to say emotion should be eliminated from the dialogue. Indeed, it is good to argue with emotion when you are committed to a cause, or you truly care. But emotions are very subjective, and self-awareness helps keep them in control. This is what some might call the 'critical thinking' component, that is getting some emotional and intellectual distance between oneself and our ideas.


Many times over the years, while observing public meetings (Question Period in Ottawa!) or participating in a discussion, I have observed how quickly they reduce (reductio ad hominem) themselves into  emotional exchanges of fixated assertions. It becomes evident to most that a solution will not be reached. It is then incumbent upon the leader to call a break so that cooler heads might prevail.


As long as we are open to change and not fixated by our assumptions and beliefs, then arguments are well worth the exchange. But, so often arguments that morph into fights only solidify assumptions and lead to loss of friendships and even love.

And that's Dick's View of the World this Week