Bragging Rights

Many years ago I was teaching in the Sensitivity Training Program at Wayne State University in Detroit.  Originally, T-Groups or Encounter Groups as they were called, were formed to teach more  effective work practices,  but during my time the focus was switching towards group relationships and interpersonal effectiveness as they took on a more therapeutic quality.

One of the many goals in the program was to help the participants  become more open to change, not just to the changing times, but to feedback from their fellow students. Needless to say, it was asking a lot and usually I would lose one or two students before the end of the program. Being open to feedback from others, even friends, is often difficult.

On the other hand, the popularity and quick expansion of Facebook indicates that people are now sharing their personal lives. Some are trying to look smart or interesting to their friends. But in the end it is not just to one or two persons, but has the potential to reach thousands. There seems to be a newly discovered need to divulge or reveal oneself and the line between privacy and public seems to be blurring.

Bluffers Park Yacht Club

Yet, most of us like to share information about ourselves for whatever reason. The other day I did some work around the yacht club where I spend most of the summer. It was not a big deal, just painting some blue and yellow lines along the visitor's dock. For some reason I had to point it out to some members later in the day. That evening I asked myself why did I have to say something? The painted lines are self evident! Do I do things because I want others to think 'what a good boy am I?' or do I accomplish something because there's a need? Is it important to me that others recognize my small contributions, or am I performing the task because it has to be done?

A Harvard study a couple of years ago found that the urge to share information about ourselves is very powerful. In fact, the study concluded the compulsion to share personal information is as powerful or equal to the urge to eat or have sex! But the problem we all face is that not many people like show-offs even if we all tend to show-off from time to time.

Modest sharing of information helps to develop self-esteem and self-confidence. There is nothing wrong with being proud of our accomplishments. It is when people constantly surpass the social norm that irks us. As Shania Twain once sang, "That don't impress me much." What I was wondering is  this: is there a difference between bragging and just saying positive things about ourselves?

Google Pictures

I suggest one way to tell the difference in a conversation is to determine if there is an element of oneupmanship involved. 'anything you can do I can do better' attitude. Perhaps what bothers me most about that is I have to struggle not to fall into the same trap. On the other side of the coin, when someone in the group seems to be playing the oneupmanship game, I try to remain quiet because I don't want to inject tension into the group, or damage a relationship.

Working with Encounter Groups was a wonderful experience in my life. For me it taught me to realize how important it is to take responsibility for your own life and to experience the great freedom that knowledge engenders. Yes, there were those who believed that the technique we used with the groups was unethical. I could see the potential for mistakes, but also experienced and shared the joy of self discovery with my students.

As John Steinbeck once wrote, "Perhaps the less we have, the more we are required to brag."

And that's Dick's View of the World this Week

Did You Know?

Recently a painting by Cui Ruzhuo, a Chinese painter, sold one of his paintings for $30m. Don't you wish you had study art in school?