Playing the Blame Game

Those who know me know how I hate it when people start playing the "blame game". This is especially frustrating when public opinion is worked up to cite the 'sins of our fathers' as being the principle source of their current unhappy circumstances. In this respect I tend to be naive. I like to think whatever our forefathers did, they did in good faith. The problem is we tend to judge the past based on what we know now, not on what they knew then. There is often a huge difference! In one sense we are all children of our past - our culture, language, family life and values, peer pressure, religion etc. But getting stuck 'back there' will not solve the daily challenges in the present and causes us to ignore life's invitation to move forward.

The problem is in blaming others we can justify our own bad behaviour. It encourages a victim mentality that puts a halt to personal growth and happiness. Often we see, both in our personal lives and the public lives of our "bosses" or political leaders', the "kick-the-dog" effect. Someone above us in the hierarchy makes a mistake and they blame it on the one below. In Ottawa they call this 'throwing someone under the bus' and hope the scandal will go away.

Walter Isaacson in his book Steve Jobs says that often an engineer would propose an idea and Steve would dismiss it immediately. A few days later Steve would visit the same engineer and say he (Steve) just had this great idea and ask the engineer what he thought! If the engineer had the courage he would tell Steve he mentioned it to him a few days earlier. Steve would completely ignore the comment. His fellow workers referred to this behaviour as Steve's 'reality distortion field' (Star Trek). After all, they justified his behaviour because they realized he had the mental force to make the impossible possible. 

Of course sometimes the very opposite reaction happens. I can remember being given a research assignment by a supervisor (I never liked the word boss or superior!). It was a major task and when completed the supervisor took the final report to the board room and presented it as his own work. Of course he did not fail to bask in their applause!

The problem with the blame game is it leads to error in our thinking. It is easy to over generalize, something I am often accused of, or making false assumptions about the behaviour of others. This can lead to holding grudges, seeking revenge or labeling others thereafter.

Blaming others is the best way to avoid personal responsibility. In the end it is not what others have done to us that will matter, but what we have done for ourselves. Our happiness in life depends on us, not totally on others for we are the compilation of our own decisions.

And thats Dick's View of the World this Week